However, March 13th is the day, a year ago, that my sister, Jenny, passed away from cancer. I don't really relate much "good" or "excitement" with the date. It's actually been very hard to even think the day is coming up so quickly. I think my whole family has been hurting as each day brings us closer to that "year mark". Why should the "year mark" be any different or harder than any other day? Well I think just knowing that she has been gone a whole year... already.
I know for some of my family it has been hard because they think they are forgetting her a little. Maybe her voice, her laugh, what she looked like or even the way she acted. Fortunately for me, I have two "mini-Jennys" walking around my house from 8:00 in the morning till 5:30 at night that constantly remind me of the way Jenny acted, talked, looked, argued, etc.
I still have her obituary on my fridge and it will probably stay there forever. I don't know why, but it will. Perhaps because I see it multiple times a day and it reminds me of her, everyday, and I like that. But it makes me sad when Erin, Jenny's oldest (4), sees it and tells me she 'misses her mommy today', which she just said last Wednesday. It breaks my heart, because she has a great Mommy who would have done the neatest things with her girls had she been given the chance to take care of them.
So I don't love calling it an Anniversary. I have tried to think of other things to call it. In fact on our Higley Family Website, I'm unofficially in charge of the 'Event Board', I listed March 13th as "The year of firsts without Jenny is over, onto the next year" or something like that. But even that seems kind of cold and not very nice.
So I guess to look at this as "glass half full" rather than "half empty" I should think "We made it through the first year [yea!] - maybe the upcoming year will be easier". Maybe. I think it has made us think of all the good times, funny times and bad times, that we have had together as sisters (and family).
So this last year has been a hard one. I don't ever want to have to repeat 2008! :) But like most people say when they have gone through hard times, it has made us all stronger. (That's for sure.) I miss my sister. So perhaps you see why I don't like calling this her "death anniversary". But anniversary it is.
5 comments:
I don't know what to say about the "Anniversary" term. I am so sorry that your family has gone through this and will always have those sad feelings. I hope the best for your family and pray the pain can get a little easier, just because the pain may ease up, does not mean she is forgotten. Best Wishes!
What a great picture of Jenny. Your family has been through so much. I hope it gets easier but I agree you have the advantage with the girls in your home everyday. I will definitely be thinking of you this next month. A note on the Aquarium, we were there about 3hrs. They also had a rainforest animal show with snakes, birds, spiders etc. I am sure Dallon would love that part.
That is a beautiful post, Mindy. You are a great writer! Well put, all of it.
My dear freind Mindy,
You and I are more alike than you know...
I too have to have a anniversary of my brother who passed away 8 years ago, and it still seems so unreal, I do miss hearing his voice, and his big arms giving me a hug, but.... His death did give me strength.
I wish he would have left some childern to remind me of him. My Truman is very much like Casey my brother, and I am sure he sent him to me.
This is all rambling, but Jenny will never be forgotten by our family. Sam and I were very touched my her, and by your family, she is very lucky to have you, as you were to have her.
What a beautiful tribute you wrote to her I am sure she is smiling.
Mindy,
Wow i cant believe its been a year either. Time flies. Have you heard the song "footsteps in the sand by leona lewis" my friend Joni lost her sister to cancer too leaving two little kids and that plays on her blog. If you haven't hear it check out Joni's blog.
Ashley
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